Thursday, 27 October 2016

Look, Roger.... I've Won $10 Million Dollars!


I have to say, it’s mind-boggling just how clever and disgracefully sophisticated some of these scams against our cherished elders are nowadays. Especially when paperwork or official-looking documents are received in the post and you REALLY have to scrutinise them under a microscope to discover the hidden anomalies.

But, as the saying goes:  If it's too good to be true - then it probably isn't.

Here are some of the most common tactics used to exploit unsuspecting Seniors: 

1.    Door-knocking Utility Servicemen.
These suited-up devils magically appear and claim they are here to fix phone lines or adjust water or gas meters etc.  I had a client once who got approached by a so-called 'Telstra' employee claiming he had been sent to repair her supposedly damaged phone, and that she wouldn't be able to receive any calls until he had come inside her home and fixed it.

Lo and behold, at the exact same time he was saying this, her ‘broken’ phone rang!  And perfectly timed, it was my client's daughter!  Needless to say, she told him where to go, that she was sending her husband round - and that if he ever went near her mother's house again she would report him to the police.

It's a shame that it takes the presence of other family members (or the threat of a friend with large biceps) as the only way these creeps will leave our Beloveds alone.

Reminds me of another client of mine who had the recording of a loud angrily barking Rottweiler built into her doorbell.  As you can imagine - it worked a treat!

Or another favourite ploy of the faux repairman, is to rattle off a whole bunch of technical jargon in order to bamboozle elderly people into thinking they need something they don’t.  That the telly will circum-combustulate at any moment if the flux capacitor on their digital data T-box isn’t re-jiggered immediately!

Crikey, if we don’t understand what that means, then how the blimmen heck is a desperately lonely and far-too-trusting 94 year old diabetic blind lady with only half a functioning kidney supposed to know?!

Elderly being scammed by fake tradesmen
Dodgy Dave strikes again?

2.    Shifty Tradesmen.
These sordid creatures seems to mysteriously crawl out of the woodwork after heavy rain or bad storms offering to repair or clear the damage that has (or mostly, hasn’t) been caused to an older adults home.

The amusing thing here (read: suspicious), is that they turn up BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN RUNG THEM!

Ah, yes…Scammers are very sharp at tailoring their dodgy deals to suit a particular client’s needs.

Make sure your trusting Senior insists on seeing suitable identification from this random Bob-the-Builder or Percy-the-Plumber every time.  And under NO circumstance should they be paying cash up front before this so-called 'work' is completed.

If in doubt, chuck 'em out!

3.   Telemarketing Phone Calls.
Don't know about you, but I can just about pick these annoying pests before I've even answered my phone!  Or maybe it's because of the hellish time of day they choose to call... ie: always at dinner time.


We are informed that there are huge consequences for NOT buying their shiny new brand of life insurance/credit card/phone service.  And how dare we risk our family's future happiness by missing out on this ultimate 'one-time only' offer.

Interesting though, how you get the same call a fortnight later?

Then there's the calls from other random imposters promising fabulous deals, holidays or merchandise - a favourite angle for Scammers because they know older adults, as a rule, find it very difficult to say no.

The fact that they are phoning from a call centre in down-town Manila is neither here nor there, is it?

"Oh, she was such a nice sounding lady... and we had such a lovely chat"

And anyway, it's rude to just hang-up on people.

As opposed to the rest of us, who find the whole game is just not funny anymore and we feel perfectly justified saying (with our most sternest of voices) that we are “not interested thank you” and hitting the 'end call' button before these robots get a word in.

Ahhh, it drives ya nuts.

4.   Mail-Outs & Letters 
Pensioners receiving personal mail that asks, ever so lovingly, for donations to obscure charities really rattle my cage.  Mainly because my elderly clients tend to pour over these (with all their spare time) and sadly, a lot of them fall for the nonsense they read in these fictional sob stories.

Indeed, many of them think that sending little orphaned Arpoo who’s dying of malnutrition and malaria in the back streets of India, a cheque for $10 is ok because it’s only a small amount of money and even if it is a scam, it doesn’t really matter… does it?

But just think…$10 from a thousand suckers people is $10,000 bucks!

And it only takes one inadvertant response to just one of these arranged scams and before they know it, your Beloved can find themselves bombarded by an ongoing stream of similar requests... all asking for money, with even more gut-wrenchingly sadder-er-er sob stories attached.

So keep an eye out for the elders in your lives, those whose letterboxes are constantly clogged with this type of rubbish – especially if it’s advising of a huge lottery win or post-marked Nigeria or Darkest Peru.

Scams on Elderly People
No, Mr Smith...
They are not giving you $1million just for being nice!

5.     Stocks & Shares, Investment Schemes
And other mind-blowing offers from weird and wonderful sounding banks and financial institutions, are also alive and well in my elderly client's lounge rooms. These official-type documents can look deadly authentic and promise the victim recipient a huge return for only a minimum ‘up-front fee’ to lock in the deal while they supposedly get to just lie back and watch their dividends come rolling in.


Human Beings,being that we are such a greedy lot, find this incentive particularly hard to resist because even though we know there's no such thing as a free lunch, the letter MUST be real because it has fancy writing and a swirly gold logo on it, right?

Of course the situation is made even more perilous if the person responds by dishing out their bank account number or credit card details (in order to receive their unexpected, but extremely generous windfall).

And you just don’t want to even think about that...


Scammers, by their very nature, move steathily and leave little chance of ever being traced (ie: they give out made-up contact details or bogus business cards)


Usually with a trail of destruction and misery in their wake, a lot of these scoundrels will get away with their crimes because distressed and embarrassed Retirees are loathe to take the matter further for fear of looking silly (goodbye dignity) to friends and family.

Being exploited has left them feeling not only betrayed, but terrified because their security has also been compromised and they are now very weary of people in general – which is a shame because elderly people living alone, can verge on being socially isolated at the best of times.

Possibly too, they have been scammed out of money required for more important things like their own much needed healthcare or medical expenses.

Or worse, they can end up having their entire bank accounts wiped out (yes, it does happen) jeopardising their homes and the welfare of the family's inheritance for when after they’ve gone.  

And just wait til the grandkids hear about that!


Good Heavens, I Think the Plumber Stole My Purse!

Beware the Scheming Scam Scumbag

If there’s one thing that really gives me the irrits as I support my elderly clients in their homes, it’s finding out about all the dirty rotten Scammers who make a living from deceiving and then stealing, from this innocent and vulnerable slice of the neighbourhood populace.

And unfortunately, it’s more prevalent than we’d ever want to believe.

So I thought I’d compile a few of my thoughts on these scamming scumbags (scummers?) and their reprehensible tactics, in the hope that it might make us all more aware in the future.

And also because it just makes me so cross!

(From a Scammer's perspective)

  • Old people, after working all their lives, have got lots of spare money just sitting around idle in bank accounts or stuffed under mattresses, that they will never use.
  • Old people have nothing else to spend their money on because they’re OLD which means they can’t go out anywhere as they're too weak and feeble... plus they don’t have a social life anyway because all their friends are dead already.
  • Old people are easy to fool because they were born in an era when folk had faith in one another; the War was on and they were all in the same boat having to go without butter and nylon stockings, with only sawdust sausages and lumpy porridge (with bits in it) to eat.  Meaning... these deviants know exactly how to say all the right things to stir heart-strings and appeal to the good nature and emotional side of unsuspecting trust-filled older adults.
  • Non-English speaking Seniors are especially easy to rip off as they just nod and say yes to anything. The fact that they only partially understand what the Scammer is saying is still not as horrific as appearing stupid or risking being declared ‘un-Australian’.
  • Widowed elders living alone are easy to take advantage of because it was their deceased spouse who looked after the finances.  Being left to manage the bank accounts without instruction means they will just blindly write cheques willy-nilly for any Tom, Dick or Scam-artist.
  • Old people suffer extreme loneliness and so having a “nice man” chatting to them on the phone or at the front door is welcome relief in an otherwise long day of empty nothingness.  Some fraudsters can develop quite the relationship with their elderly targets before their ulterior motive rears its ugly head.  

I know, truly despicable.


These so-called 'people' are sleazy con-artists who sneak around suburbs, waiting and watching so they can latch onto unsuspecting older adults whom they discover are living alone and who are potentially far too trusting for their own good (indeed, the world has become a horrid place).

Often these swindlers pose as tradesmen who roam about knocking on doors offering to clear overgrown gardens, re-surface driveways, fix Grannie’s roof tiles or whatever other maintenance work THEY deem is required.

Scamming elderly with fake services
Beware the dodgy no-name handyman...

Scammers can also appear as random door-knocking Do-Gooders.  Seemingly representing legitimate sectors of the community, they present at people's front doors to collect donations for alleged charities or ‘worthy causes’. 

Reminds me of the time my own grandmother got approached by an awful religious mob once.

Three of them, all in smart suits, clutching Bibles under their wings and looking very church-like, showed up one morning on her front porch to tell her the error of her evil ways and how she could fix it.  And although she politely attempted to shut the door and say "thank you, but I'm not interested"... Mr Pushy swiftly slipped his foot into the crack, so she couldn’t close it.

Poor Grandma!

Basically, she had no choice but to 'invite' them in for tea and cake.  Whereby she got stuck for over an hour hearing their full spiel on why she should join their ranks - or at least hand over a mighty sum of money to save her from being sent to damnation for eternity.

Thankfully, she managed to stay strong (although shaking inside, she admitted to us later) and they left frowny-faced and empty-handed.

Makes you feel sick, doesn't it.

It gave us a heck of a fright at the time too.  The obvious concern that something really nasty could've happened to Grandma, but also the thought that they might actually be imposters come to scope out her house for a burglary later.

With so much to lose, you just can't be too cautious.

So we immediately leapt into action by installing a security alarm and fixing a new deadlock thingy to her door so that if it happened again - which it did (these heartless weasels are relentless) then at least she would be safe.

No more sticking anything into MY grandmother's crack again - much to their disappointment!

Monsters, the lot of ‘em.


Friday, 7 October 2016

Old People are People, Too (Aren't They?)

If it's good enough for Ghandi, then we should touch Grandma's feet too!

I think it was Ghandi who once said that a nation's greatness is measured by how it treats its most vulnerable citizens.
But then he would.
Smug in the knowledge that his beloved India already boasted a fine track record in the unconditional caring of it's ageing population, he would have felt confident bandying about such bold and impassioned statements.
In a country where taking care of one's elderly parents in order to preserve sacred family values is not only tradition, it's also considered integral to society as a whole.
In fact, so great is the esteem and reverence bestowed upon India's elders, that youngsters are expected to literally bow down and touch the feet of their treasured grandparents, as the ultimate display of respect and adoration.
Eeek! Feet?

Respect for Elderly
Touch us!
Touch us!

The Chinese too, stay loving and loyal to their older family members by keeping them close, trusting in their vast spiritual wisdom and believing that great fortune will follow them and their household, because they are doing so.
Greeks and Italians also maintain endeared customs where elders demand intense respect from their offspring - including blessings that are sought from, and then held, in the highest of regard. With several generations of one family all co-habitating, co-parenting and co-cooking magnificent cultural feasts under the one, usually fairly large roof.
All the time sharing and caring galore for beloved Nonnie and Poppa – it's just the way it is. And not once are the words Nursing Home or Aged-Care facility considered... nor even dared be mentioned.

You look after your own and it's a beautiful thing.

Becoming older and being elderly here in Australia however, is a whole nother story!
Not that we don't care about the older adults in our lives (admittedly, there would be little chance of any feet-touching action)... and it's not that we don't WANT to look after dear old Ma and Pa when they can no longer manage on their own.
But with our frantic materialistic lifestyles, we fair dinkum Aussies barely have time to look after our kids, let alone take on care and responsibility of 'the Olds' as well. Having to sometimes move away from our home towns to go where the money is (the hole for a new swimming pool won't dig itself, you know) we abandon our ageing parents as we strive for bigger and better.
The once close-knit family dynamic is left in tatters and sadly, our children grow up with little or no interaction with their grandparents, nor have any understanding of the issues older people face existing in today's frenzied modern world.

Elderly replaced by material wealth
Pool-time Sillies
(sorry, couldn't resist)

Should we worry that our youth think it's acceptable to treat their elders in this dismissive and disparaging way?
That our Seniors, because they are retired from the workforce and are just sitting about idle, don't have creditable opinions anymore and therefore no longer contribute to society?
That they are just a burden on the community because they are old and doddery and dependant on others?
Well, today... as I stood waiting in the cashier's queue of a large Electrical, IT & Furniture department store, I discovered all might not be totally lost.

Amid the techno-bustle, I watched as a gentle looking elderly man with white hair and rosy cheeks walked tentatively into the shop... only to come to an abrupt halt.   I knew immediately what would surely be going through this dear chap's mind.

Crikey... where do I start?”

To be honest it was pretty similar to what I'd thought when I'd charged in earlier. Being one of these enormous retail outlets it's always daunting until you get your bearings, as well we know.
Thankfully, when I'd arrived, I was greeted immediately by an efficient middle-aged-ish customer services lady labelled 'Brenda', who duly pointed me in the required direction thereby saving me from a lot of stressful aimless roaming about.
Brenda however, was noticeably absent in coming to the aid of this gentleman. Still hovering in her official capacity at the entrance, directing customers, dispatching them off to the relevant departments... I watched as she quite literally favoured others coming in, over helping him!
And STILL he stood there.
Was she blind? How could she not see him?
Surely she wasn't outright ignoring this lovely misplaced chap on purpose? For goodness sake... it was like he was The Invisible Man!

Ok, so being that I work in the Aged-Care industry and that I'm used to attending to the whims of my elderly clients on a daily basis, you might argue that perhaps I am just overly-sensitive to this type of situation.
Call it what you like, NEGLECT IS STILL NEGLECT!
And regardless of his age, it was just wrong that anybody should be treated in such a blatantly disrespectful manner. Such a nice unassuming old bloke... on behalf of all the rotten Brendas out there, I felt utterly ashamed.

Elderly being ignored in shops
- An elderly peep's worst nightmare

By this stage, too, the poor man was really getting jostled about. Customers were pushing past him with their large parcels and important busy lives. Finally, as I contemplated the ridiculous logistics of leap-frogging over the counter to go help the now visibly shaken Senior, low and behold...a slim young sales assistant guy appeared.
I braced myself, dreading what awfulness might come from this young whipper-snapper's mouth.
Would there be yet more disinterest, some degrading comments... in an equally degrading patronising tone?
Or perhaps a reprimand for causing congestion on the shop floor?  Indeed, if Big Bad Brenda had trained him – we were doomed!

Blow me down, 'Aaron' (as per his name badge), turned out to be the loveliest, most patient and caring young lad you could ever have wished for!  Upon touching the old boy gently on his arm so as not to give him a fright, Aaron tactfully drew him slowly away from the main thoroughfare and into the safety of the kitchen appliance aisle.
Looking him right in the eye and talking directly to him, Aaron was giving this relieved Pensioner his fabulously full attention!  And after asking how 'Sir' was, suggested that he might like to sit down?
Oh, it was just wonderful to see – I could have cried!
And as I watched them chatting together and joking about last weekend's appalling football results... I felt my faith in humanity had been restored.
On ya, Aaron! Perhaps there's hope for us yet! 

Indeed, if Mahatma Ghandi had have been there in the shop buying a toaster today... I reckon he would've been very very chuffed.

Old People are Paeople Too!

So you're saying it's not all about ME then?


Wednesday, 21 September 2016

HELP! The Computer Swallowed Grandma

You wanna do WHAT with my Cookies?

Before we go scoffing and rolling our eyes too loudly when it comes to mustering the patience for showing an aging parent how to "logger" themselves onto a recently erected PC, iPad or Tablet device, consider this:

-----> Your mother taught you how to hold a spoon, wipe your bottom and count to ten.

Did she poke fun at you then?

Or when a grandparent who is desperately trying to master the art of “this email caper” just so she can stay in touch with her grandkids (yes, your children)... because nobody writes letters any more and rather than being left behind and feeling cut-off from her family, she is at least making the effort to come to grips with all this “techno-wotsit-gadgetry” even though it is completely foreign and feels so impersonal to her.

And isn't it just gorgeous when she thinks how mod and trendy she is when she finally DOES manage to rattle off an email to her darling 16 year old grandson Max (it's only taken her most of a day).

And then being so extra clever and computer savvy enough to sign off with "LOL from Grandma" just for effect (that's Lots of Love, isn't it?)

You have to admire her for at least giving it a crack though, don't you?

"Oh, Maxi will be SO impressed to see how his grandmother knows 'dot com' stuff!"

More and more it seems I'm getting asked by my elderly clients as I visit them in their homes, to have a look at their jammed-up unresponsive computers or merely to explain what "that funny noise" means and how it only started making it after that dreadful storm last week.

Do you think perhaps some water got into the wiring, Dollie?”

That the "inter-web must be broken" because the screen hasn't lit up... or that “I think I've wiped the internet” (after accidentally deleting her own shortcut icon)... or asking if one needed to locate an 'App' just to bring up the local bus timetable.

"Would it help if I hopped on to 'The Google' instead, Dollie?"

In my experience (and being that it would be totally inhumane and nasty), there is no merit gained from sniggering into the face of an earnest older adult who is already feeling inadequate.  They understand and accept that all this new whizz-bang technology is completely over their head and that of course they know how silly they must look to us younger smarty-pant types.

Instead, I sit down, and LISTEN to what they are trying to achieve and if it sounds like something basic (such as the plug not being turned on at the wall), then I tactfully suggest we try giving the switch a flick and see how that goes.  I then like to say "Oh, it happens all the time, Mrs Terrabyte, no need to feel embarrassed.  In fact, I sometimes do it myself!"

And then we laugh.... until she reveals for the life of her she can't remember what her wretched password is and could she use mine?

So here's a cute little poem I found "on the line" that suits the occasion and ends very nicely too.

Elderly and Computers (Technology)
double click... back-space... tab?

See what I mean – CUTE!  

Of course in real life, we would never wish to lose dear ol' Grammy into the deep dark depths of the cyberspace abyss (or have her gobbled up by a worm), in a million years. 

Who else is gonna tell us where the 'cookies' are stored?

Tee hee!!


Thursday, 15 September 2016

Rhonda's Red Racer

Third Floor: Mobility Scooters... GOING UP!

"Oh yes, Dollie...I still drive my car.  Been driving for over 40 years it must be.  I can't imagine what it will be like when I have to give it up though.  It really worries me in fact, so I'm not thinking about it 'til I have to.  I mean... what do other old people do when they need to get anywhere?"

"Take the bus maybe?  Or get a taxi?  Pensioners are usually eligible to get the discounted half-price rate, so that's a good thing.  Or we could find out if your Council provides an Assisted Transport service... you know, to take you shopping and stuff?"

"Oh heavens, I hope it doesn't come to that, Dollie.  Having to rely on others all the time and feeling like I'm a real pain in the bum to everyone - I couldn't stand it!"

"Well, you could get one of those nifty motorised scooter thingies... you see people roaring along the footpaths on them all the time.  With a bright orange safety flag sticking up on the back - I could definitely see you with one of those, Rhonda!"

"Actually, I've already got a scooter... a bright red one!  I've only used it a couple of times, you know, for practice I took it out to the big shopping centre... but I had a terrible time.  And now I'm just SCARED of it!"

"Why, Rhonda?  What on earth happened?"

"Well, I drove it into the lift, not really thinking.  It was such a busy day and the lift was full of people with bags of shopping and a mum with her baby twins... in an enormous pram.  BUT THEN I COULDN'T GET OUT!"

"Oh no!  Didn't it have a reverse button on it?"

"Oh, Dollie it was awful! The stupid thing wouldn't go backwards!  Instead I had them all in the lift trying to give me directions.  Then they had to get out - to let me out... including the lady with the pram who wasn't happy!  I tried doing a three-point turn... but managed to turn that into a TEN-point turn because I wasn't steering the dam thing right.  In the end, the men had to grab a corner each and lift it out... WITH ME ON IT!  Oh, I could've died with the embarrassment, Dollie.  Never again!"

-  Mrs Rhonda Redlight, aged 88
(Mazda 323 Owner, Driver and Motorway Enthusiast)

Elderly and their Mobility Scooters


Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Jean Wins Gold!

SOFA-CYCLING.... the New Olympic Sport?

OK, so I arrived at the lovely Mrs Jean Jellybean's home today where I found her flush-cheeked on the sofa... pedalling flat out on one of these wondrous little beauties:

Regular physical activity for Pensioners
(Only true athletes keep their pantyhose on)

In normal life, 88 year old Jean is one of those sprightly 'do-gooder' ladies that you see rushing about in the community. Volunteering at the library, visiting the elderly in hospital and helping out with the Meals on Wheels delivery... Jean spends most of her days zipping about helping OTHER people. People who are 'poor souls' that don't have anyone else to help them.

And because I can, Dollie”.

BUT... after recently undergoing hip and knee replacement surgery (both on the left side), Jean has been out of action for several months being stuck in rehab and recovery mode.  Trapped at home waiting for her body to heal, Jean has been driven slowly mad with boredom and with what she says is far too much 'sitting about'.

And I'm getting FAT!”

Finally now in the final stretches of convalescence, Jean has officially been given the green light by her Physiotherapist to start some light exercise and build up the strength in her newly renovated leg.  And thanks to the super-efficient Physio nurse organising her the loan of a portable mini pedal device, Jean is able to set herself up beautifully in the comfort of her own lounge room.  She gets to whirrrr away on her fab new contraption to her heart's content (and some mornings, still with her nightie on!)

Are you sure you're not overdoing it, Jean?  Too much, too soon? You don't want to push things and end up setting yourself back another month.”

No such.... thing... as over...doing it... Dollie!”

Pedal... pedal...pedal...

<Puff....Puff... PUFF>

I've been... watching... the Olympics... on the telly. It's been....very.... in-spi....ra-tional!”

Blow it, why shouldn't she push it?!   I had to agree. Jean was a healthy old bird after all – aside from her recent leg issue, but that was coming right.   Her determination was totally admirable.

Good for you, Jean Jellybean – GO HARD OR GO HOME!

In fact, being the amazingly conscientious carer that I am, I always try and encourage my elderly clients to move about and do as much for themselves as they can. The new buzz-word in Aged-Care circles at the moment is 'Active Ageing' and quite honestly, it's words to live by if my Beloveds intend on living out their Golden years in their own home.

A little exercise can go such a long way it has to be said.  As 84 year old Mrs Barbara Breastroke, another of my more robust clients, likes to remind me as she tootles off to her twice-weekly aqua-aerobics class:

We either move - or we lose it, Dollie!”

Exercise important for Elderly
Barb 'moving it'!

Thankfully, physical activity doesn't have to be quite the intensity of spirited water sport to be considered exercise for an older adult.  A mere stroll to the local shops, a lap of the garden or even to the letterbox once or twice a day can be plenty for a frail or unsteady Senior to keep the blood pumping and energy levels topped-up.

Being that smidge stronger, too, can do wonders to prevent those beastly falls - most important when you're living at home alone.  Or, failing that... it can drastically lessen the recovery time (and complications) after having one.

Because when Nana has good muscle strength, more energy and fabulous circulation – Nana has POWER!

Not to mention it can put her in a much better mood!  No more sitting round with a rug over her knee watching the days tick by.  Instead she is able to remain more independent and can continue with the lifestyle, interests and social interaction she has always partaken of.  She can attend her Bridge club with friends (sherry anyone?), take up French cookery classes if she fancies and look after her grandchildren every now again.

 – If she has time to, that is!

On Tuesdays I visit the very nimble 86 year old Mr Jim Kim and even though his 'Engrish' is limited, I can tell he gets quite excited to see me. I always find him outside when I arrive, under the clothesline doing his Tai-Chi.   And it's so cool to watch!  So if I can, I try and get there a little earlier so I can see him finish off.  

(Which of course makes him feel extra clever and pleased that I am so impressed.)

Tai-Chi is all about timing and concentration, if you didn't know. Which is why the beautifully symbiotic routine of mine and Jim's is not complete until Jim does one last 'grasp-sparrow-tail' (left)... then 'grasp-sparrow-tail' (right)... while I wait and admire from the sidelines.

Only then does he call out and acknowledge me.

Hurroo, Dorree!”

Then off we go inside where Jim prepares us a nice pot of green tea and I haul the vacuum cleaner out.

Now to the un-trained eye, one could scoff and argue that if Mr Kim can manage Tai-Chi so easily (and spectacularly), then why can't Mr Kim do his own bloody vacuuming?  The answer to that my friends, is simple.  If Mr Kim doesn't have to exert himself doing strenuous housework (and possibly use up his last bits of strength for the day) – then Mr Kim is able to do what he loves instead.

And that makes Mr Kim happy.

Old Chinese proverb say: A happy Pensioner stays at home longer than an unhappy one!


But I think Jean Jellybean, puffing her lungs out as she races off into the distance on her sofa bike, sums it up best:

I'm going... for gold here... Dolllie!  Reckon... if I keep this up... I could just about...give that Usain Bolt lad...a bloody good... RUN FOR HIS MONEY!"


Old People and Exercise
Jean & Usain - GETTING PHYSICAL !!!


Friday, 9 September 2016

I Can See Clearly Now My Vision Has Gone

Brookie & Prim

"Sorry it took me so long to get to the door today, Dollie.  Been to the eye specialist again this morning and he had a good poke round.  Can't see a bloody thing at the mo.  Ha ha... not that I could to start with!"

"Oh no, what'd he do to you this time, Brookie?"

“Well, it's the Glaucoma – he said that's officially what it was.   Of course I knew that already but he's only just worked it out!”

“You've got such amazing piercing blue eyes.  And your pupils are enormous, Brookie!  Hard to imagine you're having such a bad time with them.”

“That's the 'Sandy Blight' that makes them look like that.  Or Trachoma is the technical name for it.   Can't hardly see anymore and bright light really hurts.   Had it all me life you know... from living at the beach while I was growing up apparently.   Me mum always said I was a sand-bunny.... couldn't get me and the rest of us kids off the beach most days.   Now I pay for it of course... but that's just life I guess.”

Sandy Blight in childhood

“Can't they do anything about it now though?”

“Too late.  It's permanently scarred me corneas now.  So the only thing they could do would be to give me a cornea transplant.  Hell's Bells, I could think of nothing worse!   I'd rather be completely blind than have some other bugger's eyes glued into me sockets!”

“But it could mean your vision would be so much better, Brookie.   Isn't that worth it?”

“No, love. I'm 91... so now that the Glaucoma's set in, there's just no point.   Besides, I'm used to fumbling me way round this old house.   And the doc said this morning that I will go completely blind eventually.   Just a matter of months he reckons.”

“Oh no, really Brookie?   So what will you do?”

“Well, I spose I gotta move outta here and into a small unit.  Me niece says she's got something already lined up.   The only thing that will stop me going is poor ol' Prim here.”

“But can't you take her with you?   Most Retirement places let you bring your pets.”

“She's gettin' on now... 15 years old so she hasn't got long.   And I don't want to uproot her from her home.  No, bugger 'em... I'm not budging 'til she's gone!   Besides, I've got a smart pink dog-coat getting knitted up for her by a lady a few doors down.   Ha ha... would you believe, it's the same pink as my posh 'going out' sweater.

"Next time I go to the shops I'm gonna take Primmy and we'll both wear our matching pink jumpers.  Ha ha... that'll show 'em who's too old!”

- Mrs Alma "Call-Me-Brookie" Brooklands, aged 91
(Blind as a bat, but fashionably PINK!)

Elderly and their Pets
Princess Prim